25 October 2007

Best of Craigslist Missed Connections - #001

Not a single bicyclist in the City of Chicago should consider their day complete without visiting the Craigslist Missed Connections forum. This review of hapless individuals whose lives have now gained a small incling of hope (usually through a misinterpreted signal such as a smile actually intended for another recipient) often holds wisdom of Chicago's bicycling community, and those dedicated individuals who strive to fuse their bicycling and social lives together and find the ultimate love. This key point may make sense; who else would understand the erotic touches of one's own Reynolds tubing, or the freedom only riding a brakeless fixed-gear bicycle can bring? Nay, only another cyclist can understand these finer points, I say.

Today's top picks from Missed Connections are as follows...

I hit you on Milwaukee this morning - 30
Reply to: pers-459527333
Date: 2007-10-25, 2:45PM CDT 9am

I was on my bike heading south on Milwaukee about 2 blocks before Ashland. You were using the bike lane as the sidewalk. I saw that you were holding coffee and your lunch in a little to go bag. The bike accidently smacked into your bag and you dropped the bag and coffee...I did not even look back because I thought I was right. I probably ruined your morning and coffee. So......I feel rather like an asshole now and should have turned around to buy you another coffee and make sure your lunch was not ruined.....but I did not do that so I apologize. If I see you again I will buy you coffee, lunch and apologize in person. Dont worry, this is not a pick up as I do not even know how old you are or your sex. But I remember your coat and hat.

* Location: Milwaukee Ave.


Ah yes, the 'ole "I'm not trying to pick you up" pick-up line. Here we have the ultimate bike lane purist: no pedestrian should clog the bike lane on Milwaukee for this individual. It's a good thing this individual didn't stop to apologize, or even look back, for it would only encourage this pedestrian to continue walking across the bike lane. No, I believe now that pedestrian will cringe and fear bicyclists and spread the word that there are to be no invaders in the 18-inches of pure space on Milwaukee Avenue!

I left a note on your bike - w4m - 33
Reply to: pers-457539976
Date: 2007-10-23, 3:21PM CDT

I do hope you call me!:)

* Location: Logan sq.


A note on a bike is often left when the passer-by (we assume to be a fellow bicyclist, here) finds the irresistable urge to fellate the owner of a beautiful bicycle. While no details were left regarding the type of bicycle, we hope this match-made-in-heaven keeps in mind that "Plan B" is always available after those passionate moments when there just isn't to worry about birth control.

Emo girl riding a bike at UIC around 9:30 p.m. - m4w - 19
Reply to: pers-457938520
Date: 2007-10-23, 11:30PM CDT

I saw you and your friend ride past me and my friend and I think we had a moment. I want to meet you.

* Location: UIC


This poor boy may have gone pee in his pants when he saw said Emo girl whizzing by. Was it her depressed, self-pithing look that pushed him over the edge? Did Emo Girl have scars down her wrists from self-imposed harm that sent a chills of lust and desire deeply through his bones? Unfortuantely, with so many Craigslist missed connections, we may never know. But if they do meet and have their moment together, we can only hope mutual flatulence and self-wetting are second only to their desire of unhappiness and pity.

59 comments:

BVC said...

You can't spell, your grammar is bad, and everything you say is obvious. You suck, please stop this worthless blog.

Thanks,
Ben VC

Anonymous said...

Embarrassingly bad.

bikesnobchi said...

Our first fan. Hello "Ben VC". Which category do you fall into: hipster, hipster douche bag, or douche bag?

First, do you realize that your grammar is incorrect.

"You suck, please stop this worthless blog."

That's not correct; consult with your local grammar expert.

Secondly, thanks for reading; we hope to entertain you and your friends in the future.

Yours,

bikesnobchi

Andrew Y said...

Ughh, this is such a shitty blog. Please please quit, you're only detracting from the awesomeness that is bikesnobnyc while making Chicago cyclists sound like a bunch of whining babies.

BVC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

it's true. you suck. how embarrassing for you.

Anonymous said...

What a lame blog, why not try and come up with something original?

bikesnobchicagosnob said...

Hi, we only hope that you improve so we can copy and comment on your posts. We are just starting too. Don't let the haters get you down, because if you quit, we have nothing.

Starving Trial Lawyer said...

Who knew one could put so much time and effort into copying a literary genius and yet still produce something as mundane and uninspiring as this piece of trash.

This blog is to bikesnobnyc what a 90s mountain bike with vertical dropouts is to a Vanilla. Sure, you can spend a lot of time and effort trying to convert the mountain bike to a fixed gear, but after a lot of time and effort, you still have an ugly piece of crap that is useless in the end.

Please, for the sake of everyone, stop now. You cannot write and are just not funny. Reading your blog is like sitting through some drunken redneck's version of "stand by your man" at karoke night.

starvingtriallawyer.blogspot.com

Chris said...

sad

Prolly said...

Poseur. Go back to your deep dish pizza.

Anonymous said...

At first I thought BSNYC moved after being run down by a brake-less FGF coming off the bridge, had a stroke affecting all the funny and brilliant parts of his brain, and sadly attempted to restart his blog. Then I realized it would have also required a lobotomy to be this bad.

Imitation is one thing... this is a blatent attempt to rip off BSNYC. Are you trying to get your own article in Bicycling? Maybe have some vendor send you samples of products.

Please stop! Please oh please.

The only thing appropriate on this blog is the little handicap symbol next to the word verification box.

Anonymous said...

die in a ditch you unimaginative copycat fuck

Josh said...

This is seriously jaw-droppingly pathetic. The worst thing is that this bikesnobchi guy really obviously thought this was a good idea, like "bikesnob" is a fucking franchise or something. What a goddamn putz.

Josh said...

Also bikesnobchi, there is absolutely nothing "wrong" with his grammar.

Rather than directing him to the "local grammar expert," why don't you pick up your home town's own Chicago Manual of Style and work on your own very, very poor writing.

Anonymous said...

This is great!

I get to laugh with BSNYC and talk with all my friends about his clever post of the day, then I get to read this blog. BSChi, keep it up PLEASE!! Reading eveyone flame you is almost as good as actually reading BSNYC.

Anonymous said...

*inkling
*self-pitying

when there just isn't to worry
*when there just isn't time to worry

Also, nobody says "bicyclist" except you. The rest of us say "cyclist".

Anonymous said...

Also, it's "grammarian" and not "grammar expert."

Your blog is painfully unfunny and pathetically derivative. I can't believe anyone would subject themselves to this much ridicule. For your own sake, please stop now.

Anonymous said...

You wanna know how to get bikesnobchi? He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That's* the *Chicago* way!

loading...

matt from chicago said...

CRAP...

Anonymous said...

I think its great, you and BSNYC holding hands roller blading.....

AnnaZed said...

Why would anyone bother to create something as depressingly tired and embarrassing as this attempt to imitate bsnyc’s blog?

It’s just so sad and disturbing.

Anonymous said...

One word comes to mind: pitiful. This guy has no dignity.

Anonymous said...

Matt from Chicago, please stop your pitiful attempts to bite my style. :)

Cheers!

Matt in Seattle

Anonymous said...

Dude, this is awful. NOT FUNNY. NOT CLEVER. NOT ORIGINAL.

and.....
Attempting (but failing) to call someone out on grammar with out using the correct punctuation makes look even more like a poser/loser.

"First, do you realize that your grammar is incorrect."
This is a question, this ? goes at the end.

and....

Why would you assume Ben VC is a hipster? Was this post an attempt to make fun of hipsters? Do you think you actually accomplished that; to the effect that it pissed him off?

and....

What’s all this we stuff? Is this a collective effort? If so, its even more pathetic.

I am sure you are good at something, please go do that.

Anonymous said...

This is worse then the NYC edition Langster.

BSNYC= Husker Du
BSCHI= Blink 182

(artistically not commercially)

sh said...

what Prolly said.
yeah.

clayton said...

i wonder how much this guy's pulling in off the youtube adsense. i mean, if he makes a few of the easiest bucks anyone's ever made, all the surprisingly hostile hate tossed his way might be worth it.

Anonymous said...

Awwww, c'mon, no update today? Are you kidding me? I can't live without my daily fodder of flame-bait. Please, OH PLEASE, update!

Let's help the guy out, someone give him some ideas of what he can write about.

C'mon... I won't be able to stand it if I don't see more poorly written, grammatically incorrect, uncreative ramblings.

I've got an idea... just copy/paste whatever was on BSNYC on today's date last year. We won't notice and then you'll be cool again.

If you can be a "we" I can be a "the masses" and the masses call for an update!

Anonymous said...

Okay... I'll admit it...

"...if they do meet and have their moment together, we can only hope mutual flatulence and self-wetting are second only to their desire of unhappiness and pity."

...was actually kinda funny. It was like shitting razor blades to get there, but that was actually pretty good. It didn't make me laugh but you got a chuckle.

C'mon all... fess up... that wasn't so bad. Sure, he's a hack. But really... give credit where it's due. That was okay.

Anonymous said...

I looked at Starvinglawyer's blog and it is quite a toss up, everyjuan needs to go home and think about growing up

Chuck Davis (retired lawyer)
Tulsa

Anonymous said...

Booooooooooring.

What's more boring than a rip-off blog? Clowns telling people to grow up. It's the internet, buddy; if you can't handle it, maybe you should take your little sensitive self and go back to watching Barney.

zachary dillon said...

i give more credit to the hipsters...atleast when they're copying they look good doing it...haha

Clayton said...

hipsters look good to other hipsters. to everyone else, they look like idiots.

Anonymous said...

why are using
BSNYC entries as your own bikesnobchicago?

and

at least bsnyc can deliver a full week of
enjoyable, funny entries?

What happened to Friday?
Giving up before
it even starts,
just like with everthing else you do.

Anonymous said...

Pretty tough to watch this poor, poor imitation, but it's admittedly entertaining to watch it utterly go down in flames (no pun intended).


Looks like it's all over by knock out.

Anonymous said...

Noooooo! C'mon... Friday *and* Monday with no updates? I'm suffering withdrawl! I need my BSChi update. Ignore these fucks... the hell with them all. What do they know? They're all drunk on PBR, riding FGs in traffic, and wearing low-rise girl pants. Screw 'em. Post more. How's BSCleveland going to take off unless you continue posting? C'mon... I've got a crap load of beer and if I get drunk enough you're almost funny. UPDATE!!!!

Anonymous said...

Boo. I was really hoping this was a troll blog.

On the other hand, even as a parody this only could have lasted a week, tops. Good riddance.

Anonymous said...

Dead... in a week. Sad.

Not even a pathetic "I'm a loser... goodbye" note.

Next time don't use a name that's an obvious rip-off and post on the blog of the person you're copying using that name. Maybe try something new: BikePrickChi, BikeAssChi, I-Dont-Like-Your-Bike, PoorGrammarCyclist...

julie said...

aw, you're seriously gonna let some haters phase you from your mission? weak.

Anonymous said...

It's so obvious people. bikesnobnyc has a pretty good week, cranking out some funny material, but nothing from bikesnobchi. They are the same person. Don't you get it?

Anonymous said...

FAIL.

zachary dillon said...

just joking hotshot.

Anonymous said...

The Secretary of Defense informed George W Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. The president wept for more than 10 minutes. Finally, he looked up at the Secretary of Defense and asked, "How many soldiers are 3 brazillion?"

Best of luck to you Snob Bike Chicago Dude.

Anonymous said...

folded like a cheap suit- long live BSNYC

rmckittr said...

I miss your witty and insightful posts. Please continue posting. Wanna be BFF's?

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob NYC is better. MUCH better.

Anonymous said...

Is this blog dead? Gawd, I hope so....

Anonymous said...

this blog is an abortion
'nuff said?

Impartation said...

This blog is disappointing because it is not original and is clearly an attempt to replicate another's success. Furthermore, your writing skills are in a serious need of editing - both for injecting some humor into your writing, and for staving off the possibility of it putting your audience to sleep.

Please consider dropping this failing attempt at comedy and leave it to the original - until YOU come up with something original yourself.

Anonymous said...

I really hope this whole thing is a joke. If not, I guess you're just a really bad and unfunny writier.

Anonymous said...

You're a pathetic twerp. A leech at best, bottomfeeder at worst.

Stop blogging and kiss a pistol.

Matt said...

Why would you do this? Your imitation of bikesnobnyc is horrible.

Anonymous said...

bikesnob's mildly retarded half-brother. DING! FRIES ARE DONE! DING! FRIES ARE DONE!

thefutureofamerica said...

Dude,

You're an unfunny rip-off and you suck. Stop embarrassing the midwest and do something original or better yet, move to New Jersey.

XOXO

Bike Snob New York said...

WTF? Since when did dickless Chicago hipster douchebags like Bike Snob Chicago give up SO EASILY from slobbing teh Knob of NYC?

I expect Chicago peeps to keep up their efforts imitating NYC, not just post 4 times and get all ADD!

You faggots already know you are owned, so act the part, bitches!

If I don't see "Bike Snob Shitcago" posting more, continuing to slob my knob, I'm going to lose faith in the faggots in Chicago ability to suck me off the way they always have

It sure is nice to hace fans, a whole sity of bitches taht want to be NYC!

Anonymous said...

haha no shit, a whole city of DOUCHE

Laser Hair Removal Chicago said...

most of you are dillholes. I love this blog, Its not worthless, your comments are! Don't you have anything better to do than insult people on their blogs?

-A.J

Deepdishfucker said...

Faggotty wicker park douchebag here, <3ing yr blog and all the nyc authenticity in here. Fucking 3 years behind yall, but atleast Carson Daly still looks cool and hood on trl to us here. Never read any other bike snob blogs, but it sounds like they're probably even better works of found art than this is.